It’s hard to resist a good gossip session at the office. Just don’t confuse gossip with venting, says leadership expert and bestselling author Simon Sinek.
“To get on a call with a colleague and vent about your boss is not necessarily unhealthy, and it’s not necessarily gossip,” Sinek told psychotherapist Sara Kuburic in a LinkedIn video post last month. “Allowing venting to happen is healthy, but validating venting can make it become gossip. Now you’re a part of the problem.”
In the video, Kuburic defined venting as “you-focused” and gossiping as “other-focused.” Sharing your frustrations about a stressful project is venting, for example, while criticizing a colleague’s skills or work ethic behind their back is gossiping.
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Be very careful with anything that qualifies with gossip, said Sinek: If your comments ever reach their subjects, you’ll create drama for yourself — likely eroding your professional reputation, alongside other more interpersonal problems.
Venting, on the other hand, can actually strengthen your relationships, Sinek said: It can help you feel heard in the workplace and build bonds with your colleagues.
Some workplace experts do recommend ‘good gossip’
Not every workplace expert says gossiping is entirely bad.
There’s a such thing as “good gossip,” according to Elena Martinescu, who researches workplace gossip at the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam. Any conversation about someone who isn’t present falls under the umbrella term, including discussions about how much you like another colleague or something you find interesting about a member of your team, Martinescu told CNBC Make It in 2022.
Echoing Sinek, Martinescu noted that you should only gossip with colleagues you trust, or else risk your private conversation becoming a public one.
Good gossip can help create friendships at work, and candidly discussing topics like salaries or layoffs with your coworkers could potentially benefit your career, added Kelsey McKinney, host of Defector Media’s “Normal Gossip” podcast.
“Gossip is ultimately a tool of people who are not in management,” McKinney said. “People who are not in charge being able to talk to each other to form alliances, be those union-based or just sharing your salary with each other, is a very powerful form of gossip that can get you things that you deserve, and get you information that allows you to negotiate for those things better.”
Everyone needs a work friend
There’s a connection between Sinek, Martinescu and McKinney’s perspectives: Everyone needs someone they can talk to in the workplace. Workplace friendships can lead to increased happiness, productivity and satisfaction.
Be mindful of complaining to your friends too much, though. Venting for venting’s sake can make you look less competent and more annoying, University of Georgia management researchers found in March.
“It feels self-absorbed,” sociologist and relationship expert Jennifer Gunsaullus told Make It in June. “They are putting up a wall like, ‘You wouldn’t understand.’ That’s not someone who feels likable or warm, somebody we want to be spending more time with.”
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