After the healthcare technology firm I worked for was acquired, I sat around the table of leaders at the corporate headquarters in San Diego, wondering if they were questioning their decision to appoint me to lead the merger effort. I felt overwhelmed, leading me to remain silent and barely contribute, and I was certain they were wondering: Who brought her here? Why is she taking up a seat?
Later, in my hotel room, I thought of all the things I wish I had said or the questions I should have asked. I blamed myself for being an introvert and wished I had the gift of easily verbalizing words and quickly constructing my thoughts and ideas.
People are often surprised to learn that I am an introvert. This is because I spent most of my career as a trainer and speaker.
After some self-assessment work and reading Susan Cain’s book “Quiet,” I discovered that I was an introvert. This book also helped me recognize my strengths related to introversion, like listening intently, reflecting, and asking good questions.
This also means that I don’t process verbally like many extroverts do, which can be difficult in an office setting. Many workplaces revolve around meetings, open-air workspaces when you’re in the office, or talk-it-out brainstorming sessions to elicit ideas.
But my brain doesn’t work that way, so I had to find my own path.
Here are 3 tips that helped me thrive as an introvert at work.
I learned how to own my strengths
The evening after the San Diego meeting, as I sat in my hotel room, I wrote down all the reasons I could think of for why my CEO wanted me at the strategy meetings and leading a key company integration project. I came up with reasons like “I am good at leading change” and “I am an expert at training and development.”
After reflecting on this, I realized that if I wanted to make an impact as a leader, I needed to own my unique talents and claim my gifts of introversion — like being a good listener and asking great questions.
This helped me recognize that while I may not have all the answers, I could instead rely on my value of learning and asking questions during meetings to spark discussions or clarify the changes I’d need to implement.
Doing this helped me overcome my imposter syndrome and own my voice.
I focused on creating a connection instead of my word choice
I used to get tripped up while preparing for presentations, worrying about things like: What I should say, what’s the right approach, and what if they all think this is stupid?
To break out of this pattern, I learned to ask myself: What approach aligns with my values, and how do I want them to feel?
This helped me shift from ruminating over my worries to focusing on my audience and creating a connection.
One of my coaching clients modeled this well. She was nervous about having a difficult conversation with an employee whose performance was inconsistent. I asked how she wanted this employee to feel during this conversation. Her whole body relaxed. “I want them to feel seen, supported, and clear on actions to take,” she said.
This helped my client redirect her energy away from her nerves and into connecting with her coworker so that the conversation could lead to an outcome that served both of them.
I learned I only have to speak up when it’s most authentic to me
A few years ago, I wrote about my deeply personal experiences with undergoing IVF. When the article went live, there was a torrent of hurtful, judgmental, and uninformed comments on the publication’s social media channels.
While these were difficult to read, I don’t regret writing the article. This is because raising awareness around infertility and advocating for better workplace policies aligns with my values.
From that experience, I learned that speaking up is most powerful when it aligns with what’s important to me. In the past, I worried I’d have to speak up on everything to be more extroverted and successful. That isn’t the case. I just have to find what’s important to me and speak up when the time is right.
I learned I need to be my most authentic self to be successful and allow that to guide what is mine to say and how to say it.
